The Goose is Loose: Adventures of a Sleep Talker

I have a secret, I am a finicky sleeper. I have several conditions required for a good nights rest. The room should be completely dark and quiet. To create this effect we have industrial strength shades. I love to be covered up by soft sheets and fluffy blankets but the room must be cool. This is one of the reasons that I like a fan blowing. Reason number two is it drowns out any sounds that go bump in the night. All the doors should be closed not cracked. This rule especially includes the closet doors. I still believe there is a chance that the boogie man might jump out and get me.

To add to the already lengthy list, I happen to be a side sleeper, too. It doesn't matter which side, I don't discriminate. Pillows are a must. Specifically, I need three. Two should be lined up against the wall in a straight line just in case that I decide to flip from my left side to my right side in the middle of the night. The third one is my security pillow. I hold onto this pillow like there is no tomorrow. I am quite sure that if the boogie man did visit and tried to steal my pillow, the fight would be on!

As you can imagine, when something in this equation changes, I wake up! Enter my husband. During the first months of our marriage, I found out that Bryce was a sleep talker. He doesn't just say a few words then drift back into his dream. Oh no, he can have a full conversation while visiting cloud 9. The first time it happened, I was clueless. I was woken up in the middle of the night and had no idea what was happening. All I knew was that I heard my husband crying out....

"The goose is loose," my slumbering husband exclaims!

Startled by the noise, I sat up and looked around. "Bryce, are you okay?"

"The goose is loose!" Huh? What!? We had pets but the last time I checked we did not have a goose nor did we know anyone who did. I made my way through the mountain of warm blankets. I put my hand on my hubby's back to comfort and check on him.

"The goose is loose," He repeated.


"What goose?" I asked. There was no answer so I proceeded with the investigation.

"Why is the goose loose?" I questioned.

"I dunno" He mumbled.

"Who let the goose loose?"

"I dunno" He mumbled again.

"Did you let the goose loose?"


Bryce knew the answer to this question, it was emphatically "No."


I should note that early in our relationship, we had two different pets. Larry was a dalmatian that Bryce had before we got married. He was named after the great, Larry Bird. Without a question, he was Bryce's dog. To this day, I don't think that Larry liked me. He tried to run away a lot, eventually he succeeded.

Shadow was a sweet grey cat. She was a surprise that Bryce brought home. It was understood that she was my cat. She was cute, but Shadow had a small problem with the litter box, she didn't use it! That did not go over well with the Johnson household. Anyways, it is time to get back to the story. I was determined to get to the bottom of the goose situation so I decided to try a different tactic.

"Did Larry let the goose loose?"

"No," Bryce answered confidently.


"Did Shadow let the goose loose?" I continued.


"Maybe" He answered.


"Did I let the goose loose?"


"Hmmmm"


"I let the goose out?"


"Hmmmm, Maybe."


"What! Why did I let the goose out?"


"I dunno." Bryce proclaimed. I could tell that he was starting to get annoyed with this little interrogation because less than a minute later he announced that "He was done talking". He rolled over and nestled back to his side of the bed.


What in the world!? What had I done to be accused of letting the goose loose? A flood of insecurities rushed into my mind. Is there a secret meaning to this dream? Was I not a good wife? Did I forget to iron his favorite shirt? Did my lack of cooking skills finally catch up with me? I must have made spaghetti one too many times for dinner. I knew that it must have been bad. Not only was I being charged with letting the goose loose, my cat was being accused too! 

The next morning, I told him about it. Bryce had no recollection of the conversation at all. He didn't even remember his dream so he claims. I think that he may have decided it was better to plead the 5th. After 7 years of marriage, I have not heard about the goose again. It will always be an unsolved mystery. This was the first adventure with my sleep talker but it definitely was not the last....

Disclaimer:

No husbands, wives, pets or geese were harmed as a result of this incident. At least to my knowledge!